he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need a beard to bite.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
