I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
