It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
