There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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