so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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