My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
