Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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