ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
