Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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