I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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