If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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