Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
