Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
