yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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