By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
