i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
