What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
