I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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