Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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