maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
