I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
