The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
