I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
