i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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