i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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