K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
