Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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