had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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