Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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