she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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