last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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