he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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