Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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