i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
