So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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