if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
