her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
