I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
