i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I supernannyed him into submission
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