My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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