paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
