she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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