I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
