hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
