Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
