All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
