While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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