So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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