Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize