Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
