just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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