you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
