I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
