Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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