Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
