Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
