So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
