I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
