A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
