yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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