omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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