you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
