And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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