Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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