Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
