The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
