just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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