Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
