My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
