I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
