it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
