guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
