wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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