Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
