I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
