so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
