After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
