She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
